Do you still have your period?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
