Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
