Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
