TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
