Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
