I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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