idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
