I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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