Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i just sent this text using only my big toe
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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