two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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