last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
