I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
