I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
