if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
FUCK WHALES
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