the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
