so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
