Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
