Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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