dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He felt like a one man threesome
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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