I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize