A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
