I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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