I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
