I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
