you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
