Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
