Need sex. Gaining weight.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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