They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
