i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
