her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
