Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just pynch a tree in the face
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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