You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
