it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize