Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
