I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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