I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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