What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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