put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
