They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize