She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize