I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize