just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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