dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
