Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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