If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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