i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
