Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
