Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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