Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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