so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
