I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
