He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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