I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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