can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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