I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
