well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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