You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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