Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
