I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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