The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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