I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize