you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
