So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
