in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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