i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
