THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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