bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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